


Lapis's Anguish

by TheQuiteExcellentBlog



Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: F/F, Human AU
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-31
Updated: 2016-07-31
Packaged: 2018-07-28 12:33:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,211
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7640257
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheQuiteExcellentBlog/pseuds/TheQuiteExcellentBlog
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>So I've been going through some things, and the best way I've found to cope is fan fiction! Specifically, Lapidot angst! So enjoy this small morsel of angsty Lapidot that gets a little hopeful towards the end. I had a lot of fun writing it plus I'm kinda proud it. Enjoy! (might write more, I dunno). Oh, and its Human AU. So they're human.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Lapis's Anguish

Peridot opened her eyes. Something had stirred her awake and she darted her eyes about to see what it was. In the darkness she saw something glisten.  
It was Lapis’ eyes. They were open wide and only visible because of the moonlight reflecting in their moisture. Lapis was staring up at the ceiling. As Peridot eyes grew more accustomed to the low light, more of Lapis’ face became vivid. Peridot could see worry etched across Lapis’s vacant expression. She could see tears streaked down the side of her face.  
Peridot wondered if she should say anything. She knew Lapis liked to deal with her problems by herself but Peridot’s heart ached at the thought of Lapis being unable to sleep and silently crying to herself.  
Against her gut instinct, Peridot closed her eyes and tried to sleep. If she said anything, Lapis would just be embarrassed and clam up.  
But then she heard a choked sob.  
“Lapis? Are you ok?” Peridot said timidly.  
“What? Oh, yeah, just had to cough. Sorry if I woke you,” said Lapis as she rolled over to face away from Peridot.  
“Lapis, please. I saw you crying” Peridot said regretfully.  
“Fuck’s sake, Peri, I choked and my eyes were watering” Lapis said huffily.  
Peridot breathed to compose herself “What’s upsetting you, Lapis?”  
Lapis quickly rolled over and looked Peridot in the eye “Nothing! Ok? Now stop,” said Lapis before rolling onto her back.  
Peridot sighed and rolled away from Lapis and looked at her bedside table.  
“2:04am” her alarm clock said.  
Peridot tried to sleep but her gut squirmed and gnawed at her with guilt. She knew getting Lapis to open up was almost impossible but felt she needed to try at least. She was her girlfriend and if Lapis couldn’t open up to her, who could she open up to? And if there was someone Lapis could open up to who wasn’t Peridot, what did that make Peridot to Lapis?  
No! Can’t think like that, thought Peridot, that’s stupid and selfish. Maybe Lapis didn’t want to talk about it because it’s something she thinks will hurt me if she tells me about it? Maybe it’s one of her exes?  
Then she realized.  
“It’s Jasper” Peridot mumbled under her breath.  
“What?” Lapis said in a frightened but direct tone.  
Peridot breathed again for composure and took a gamble “You were thinking about Jasper before, weren’t you?”  
Lapis immediately started sobbing and curled into a ball facing away from Peridot. Peridot could feel the bed shaking every time Lapis heavily sobbed. Peridot rolled over and tried to place a hand on Lapis but Lapis flinched away and shuffled closer to the edge of the bed.  
Peridot lay on her back and sighed, lacing her fingers together over the cover on top of her chest. She wasn’t sure if these tears were because she was right or because mentioning Jasper wasn’t a smart idea considering the relationship she and Lapis had.  
“I’m sorry, Lapis, I didn’t mean to-”  
“Shut up! Okay? Just shut up! How dare you claim to know me!?”  
“I’m not trying to say I know you, I’m trying to help you. I care about you Lapis and it’s breaking my heart to see you upset.”  
“Well congrats, because now I’m actually crying!”  
“You were crying before, Lapis” Peridot said hopelessly.  
“No I wasn’t! Shut up!”  
Peridot sighed.  
Lapis rolled over to look at Peridot “Oh what, disappointed that you can’t be the supporting girlfriend you wish you were?”  
“What on earth are you saying? That’s so uncalled for! Yeah, I want to be a supportive girlfriend! Because I care about you! Don’t paint that as something to be ashamed of!”  
Lapis rolled over to face the wall again and there was a brief pause before Lapis muttered “Yeah right, like you care about me.”  
Peridot eyes went wide and tried to brush off the comment but its sting grew deeper until she started sobbing quietly, choking as she tried to stop.  
Lapis stared at the wall trying to stay mad, not letting Peridot’s tears get to her. She scrunched her eyes and tried to aggressively ignore it. Peridot had stopped crying now and was now sniffing between intermittent sobs. Lapis sighed then quickly rolled over and hugged Peridot around the neck. Peridot looked sideways and then placed her arms on Lapis’.  
“I’m sorry I said that. I know you do care I just don’t feel I deserve it”  
“Why though? That’s a horrible thing to say”  
“I’m fucked up, Peri! Okay? Just know that”  
“Was that why you were crying?”  
Lapis paused for a moment “Yes. Kind of.”  
“Want to talk about it?”  
“And make you cry? No. I won’t do that to you again”  
“Please? Believe me, I’m tough. Plus, you can hug me tighter to make me feel better”  
“Oh gross, Peri, we’re naked, remember? Stop trying to be sexy”  
Peridot sighed “I wasn’t, ok? I was just trying to break the tension”  
Lapis sighed “Fine, whatever”  
Lapis let go of Peridot and shuffled away as Peri rolled to face her, then they properly embraced under the duvet.  
“So what’s been bothering you?” said Peridot looking up to Lapis’ face.  
“You’re going to fucking hate me if I tell you” Lapis sighed.  
“Lapis! If it’s bothering you, I want to help! I don’t care what it is! Even if it’s something stupid I do that’s upsetting. Like how I fart when you’re not looking!” Peridot said very earnestly and seriously.  
Lapis burst out laughing “No, no. You’ve done nothing” and then speaking more somberly “You’ve done nothing at all to me. You’re perfect to me. And yet…”  
“And yet what, Lapis?” Peridot pleaded.  
“I miss Jasper.”  
The air hung still a moment as Peridot thought what to say.  
“I knew it was a mistake telling you,” said Lapis as she pushed Peridot away.  
“Wait!” said Peridot grabbing Lapis “I was just thinking how best to say I understand.”  
“No you don’t! You don’t understand! How could you? You’ve never had a relationship as fucked up as what Jasper and I had!”  
“Okay, I don’t understand but I know it upsets you so I’m not going to be mad. Why would I? I don’t want to cause you more hurt.”  
Lapis balled up some of the duvet in her hand “Stop being so nice to me!”  
“No. No I won’t Lapis. You make me feel so special. I just want to do the same for you”  
Lapis just lay there, lightly cradling Peridot.  
“So why do you miss her?” Peridot finally asked.  
“Well I don’t think I miss Jasper. I’m pretty sure I hate her. But I miss being able to hate her. Hating her gave me such a rush but I suppose it felt so good because she hated me so much.”  
“Can I ask, why were you even dating?”  
“Heh, I couldn’t even tell you. I was going through a nihilistic phase and she comes along as this person who didn’t give a fuck and actively told the world to fuck off. She loved me because I wouldn’t question her, I’d just let her be. But then I started to grow up, mature, finally leave puberty for good but she wouldn’t change. She said she tried to be me, to be true apathy. So we continued to date but we hated what we each had become. I hated that she’d become this sad puppy trying to impress me and she hated me because I was changing. Eventually after a huge fight where the police were called, we broke up.”  
“Officially?”  
“Well, no, I just stopped seeing her and she kind of caught the hint.”  
“And you miss the catharsis of hating her.”  
“Yeah. Isn’t that just fucked up?”  
“Well, not really. I play Counter Strike to get all good and angry to feel better.”  
“I thought you got angry because you were losing.”  
“Well yeah, but I sort of let the anger out, work off some frustration, you know?”  
“Frustration about what?”  
“Well, shit like the fact I studied Electrical Engineering at college and still after 3 years of graduating, the best job I got is in a computer shop.”  
“Well you met me at that job.”  
“Yeah I guess,” Peridot smiled.  
Lapis sighed.  
“So what’s eating you?”  
“I dunno… I wish I could appreciate the fact I got you and forget Jasper but I can’t”  
“Maybe that’s the problem.”  
“What?” Lapis said slightly baffled.  
Peridot sat up to look Lapis in the eyes “I love you. You feel you can’t be loved so you miss Jasper because she hated you and even as nightmarish dating her was, she validated what you felt inside. What you’ve always felt inside,” said Peridot placing her hand over Lapis’ heart.  
Lapis broke down in tears again and buried her face into Peridot’s neck. Peridot pulled her in close and Lapis tightly wrapped her arms around her.  
“I’m sorry; I’m just so fucked up. No one’s given a fuck about me and I can never trust anyone who does. Jasper was honest. She was always clear with how she felt about me, how every little habit disgusted her and while all that negativity made me miserable, I craved it, because it made me feel at least my opinion of myself was right.”  
“Well I like you,” Peridot said, to which Lapis pulled away to look her in the eyes “You’re kind of cute” she said playfully.  
Lapis began to laugh “I’m sorry, Peridot. I know you wish I was a better girlfriend.”  
“Actually, I don’t. Because you wouldn’t be a better girlfriend, you’d be a more boring girlfriend. Like, I like you because you’re so real. You do what you want and I’ve tried to live like that since moving out my mom’s house. You’re helping make me the me I want to be. That’s priceless. So the least I can do is help you feel like you’re loved.”  
“Well this hug is nice,” Lapis smiled then sighed “You’re the best thing to ever happen to me. But considering my life, that isn’t exactly impressive,” Lapis said sardonically.  
“Hey!” said Peridot feigning offense. “Don’t sell me short!”  
Lapis giggled “There are so many jokes I could make right now.”  
“That’s rich coming from a girl who’s only 5’4.”  
Lapis giggled again. “Oh my god, you’re like my little blonde angel” said Lapis cuddling Peridot’s head to her chest.  
“I can’t complain about this hug,” said Peridot, her voice muffled.  
“Urgh, you perv!” said Lapis, letting her head go so Peridot could meet her gaze.  
“Hey, you hugged my head,” Peridot said with a wry smile.  
“I know, but you could have been cooler and not commented on it,” Lapis smirked.  
“Hey, what can I say, I’m not trying to be cool like you!”  
Lapis raised an eyebrow at Peridot’s reference but didn’t complain because she had respect for how ballsy it was.  
“Let’s try and sleep, okay?” said Peridot.  
“Okay, Mom” Lapis sniggered.  
“Hey! You’re only to call me Mom when you’re between my legs.”  
“Oh my god, you are so gross.”  
Peridot giggled “Sorry, couldn’t help myself. Well sleep well, Lappy.”  
“Night, Peri” 

~#~

The late morning sun shone through the window and illuminated Peridot as she made herself coffee and toast. She’d put a hoodie on to cover herself up so none of her neighbors from the apartment block across the way would see her naked. As she waited for the pot to brew and the toast to pop, a pair of arms laced their way about her waist and a familiar blue haired head rested itself on her shoulder.  
“Thanks for last night, Peri. I still got some shit to still work out but I feel I can trust you to help,” Lapis said warmly.  
“Aww, no problem Lapis. I’ll happily help when you’re ready”  
“You are seriously an awesome girlfriend.”  
“Stop, you’re going to make me blush.”  
“Too late” Lapis said playfully poking her cheek.  
Peridot giggled “Say, want some coffee?”  
“Bleh, much prefer tea please.”  
“Oh yeah, Earl Grey?”  
“Please, no milk.”  
“Okay.”  
Lapis let go of Peridot so she could fetch the tea and boil the kettle. Peridot went over to the cupboard and grabbed a mug and turned to face Lapis but nearly dropped the mug in shock.  
“Lapis! Put some clothes on! The people from across the way can see in my lounge remember?”  
“Meh, what do I care? They can perv if they want. By the way, stop staring.”  
“Oh, so my neighbors can perv but not me?”  
“Yeah” Lapis sniggered “Now make me my tea so we can cuddle up on the sofa.”  
“Coming, Madam.”  
Peridot made up the tea and poured out her coffee and also made extra toast for Lapis. They sat on the sofa and clicked on the TV and continued watching Mr. Robot. Peridot loved the show, Lapis was just lukewarm on it but she was the same with most TV.  
Lapis looked up at Peridot as she lay with head rested on her thigh. She wasn’t the perfect person but she was good for Lapis. She sighed happily and sipped her tea as Peridot commentated the episode.  
Life was getting better.


End file.
